Steve Boyd on line Newsletter
Summer - 2002

We live in a society where we want everything now.  Adding faxes and email to the speed of the telephone, communication has become instantaneous. Unfortunately, this attitude affects the way we communicate one-on-one with our employees, customers, and clients. We talk fast, we interrupt, and we don't think about what we are going to say.

I suggest that sometimes the most important part of communication is not the words we use, but the space between the words. We need to learn to use the pause to communicate effectively. Herman Melville once said, "All profound things and emotions of things are preceded and attended to by silence."

Pico Iyer in a Time editorial, "The Eloquent Sounds of Silence," wrote, "A 'moment of silence' is the highest honor we can pay someone; it is the point at which the mind stops and something else takes over." We need to learn to use silence--the pause in speaking--to add power to our communication.

First, pause to keep the other person talking. When the other person stops talking, he/she expects us to respond. If we pause momentarily, the other person may add a comment that may be the most important idea of the conversation up to that point. When we are able to keep the other person talking, we listen further and have more information with which to make an intelligent response.

Second, pause to avoid interrupting the other person. Often we are so concerned with our responses that we don’t really let the other person finish talking before we start giving our opinions. The pause communicates that we really are concerned with listening thoroughly to what the other person has to say. The pause helps us pace the flow of communication. We don’t give the feeling that we are rushing the conversation when we make a conscious effort to pause as the other person finishes his/her thought.

Third, pause to give time to think of what to say. When rushing to make a point, what we actually say may not be as coherent as it would be if we paused a moment to structure the comment before beginning to speak. Just pausing a few seconds before speaking allows us to think of what point we want to make. Usually a three count is the length of pause that gives you time to think and yet is not distracting to the other person. Simply pause, "A thousand one, a thousand two, a thousand three" and begin your answer. After a little practice the appropriate length of the pause will be natural for you. If we start speaking immediately, what we actually say may not be the point we really want to make. "Foot-in-mouth-disease" may result because we did not pause to think carefully about what we were going to say and to whom it was being said.

Fourth, pause to give credence to what we are going to say. When we pause, it gives the other person a moment to look at us and to anticipate our response. Thus that person may listen more carefully and respectfully to our opinions or ideas, realizing that we crafted our response thoughtfully.

Fifth, pause to motivate the listener to be more attentive to what you will say. The pause will make the person want to hear what you will say. For example, we can all remember when the teacher would pause to make the students be quiet and look up, and then she/he would continue. That same principle works in one-on-one communication. The momentary "wait" will engage the listener's thought processes to hear what we say next.

Sixth, pause to take a note. This works especially well when the information shared should be written down. Don't be afraid to pause to write something. This gives credence to what the other person is saying--that you want to remember it so much that you are recording it. Knowing you are taking notes also helps the other person seek to be more organized and concise. In addition, this kind of pause allows the other person to look away and then back to you so you don't get into a staring contest as you are talking.

Seventh, pause to review what has been said. When you pause, you have time to ponder what has been said and then to summarize the conversation up that point. You will be less likely to get off the topic and will add quality to the conversation because you are not going off on tangents. It is hard to listen when the conversation topic goes in a variety of directions. Pausing helps you to gather your thoughts and stay on task.

Eighth, pause to question what the person is saying. When a person finishes speaking, you may not be sure what he or she meant. Instead of saying, "What do you mean by that?" just pausing will sometimes give the same message without having to ask the obvious question. The person will then explain more, clarifying the point he or she is making, and you can avoid the awkwardness of having to ask for more explanation.

Ninth, pause to let the other person know you think the conversation is about complete. You may offend the person if you look at your watch or look at the nearest exit or start to move restlessly in your seat. But silence may be sufficient to help end the conversation in a positive way. The other person may take the hint and either of you can then summarize the interaction.

Tenth, and finally, pause to show you understand. When you have no more questions or have nothing else to contribute, you simply pause, smile, and move on to another topic or idea. If you change topics without pausing, the other person may think you are rude, or are really not listening, or can't wait to change subjects.

As we can see, pauses or silence between words can have many meanings. We can give much more meaning to our words by the spaces between them. Songs communicate a specific message, adding emotion, when the singer pauses. The speaking communicator can do the same thing.

Remember that in talking, it is not just the words we speak; it is also the silence between the words. There is power in the pause!

POLISHING YOUR PRESENTATION:  USING RECENT EVENTS

Make your next presentation have cutting edge material no matter what the topic by including as an example a recent event. As you near the time a speech is due, listen to newscasts, sportscasts, and look through a daily newspaper to see what is happening that might possibly relate to your speech. If you have an example within the last few days to illustrate one of your points, audiences feel that your content is more current and this will increase your credibility and the impact of your presentation. For example, I recently heard a speaker encouraging people to use the bus instead of driving. An example he gave was that the Cincinnati Reds are in town and "here are a couple of locations where you can be picked up by bus to go to the stadium for a minimum fee and forget the hassle of traffic jams."

If you were advocating a certain way to save money, you might suggest that the money saved could finance a ticket to a specific current entertainment in town. If you were discussing the popularity of a certain sport and draft day was approaching, you could mention a current draft pick from a city near where you are speaking and mention how much anticipation and excitement the hometown fans were showing.

Principles and ideas you want an audience to accept and put into practice can have more impact if you can find current events connected directly to your points. Recency makes universal principles more relevant!

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QUESTIONS OFTEN ASKED

A question I’m often asked is, "How can you predict that the audience will like what you have to say?"

Audiences are fickle and what may work for one audience may not work with another. An axiom that is helpful, though, is, "The better you know the audience the more effective you will be as a speaker." The best way to assure success of the content of your presentation is to learn all you can about the audience. You can generally feel good about how the audience will respond if you do the following:

1. Talk to the person who is responsible for your speaking. He/she will give you whatever information you need about the audience since his/her reputation is at stake well. Ask that person about the audience. Who will be in it? What are they expecting from you the speaker? What is the most important issue to them concerning your topic?
    
2. Talk to someone who spoken to that audience before. Ask that person the same kinds of questions. Also ask, "What went best in your speech?" "What would you do differently if you were going to speak to them again?"
    
3. Talk to someone who will be in the audience. Ask that person the same questions. Also ask if there is anything unique about speaking to this group.
    
4. Find out as much as you can about the demographics of the audience from any of the above people. Learn about age of group, educational background, special cultural factors, and gender, and time with the organization.

You can never predict with certainty how an audience will react, but following these tips will give you confidence that your material will be as much as is within your power what the audience wants and needs.

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BOOK REVIEW: The Power of Positive Thinking in Business

To get an updated view of the Norman Vincent Peale power of positive thinking philosophy, I recommend The Power of Positive Thinking in Business by Scott W. Ventrella. This very readable book updates some of the research about the value of positive thinking. Although there are many references to Peale (the book is done in cooperation with the Peale Center), there is enough new information that the speaker can obtain a quick review of recent data. Such insights can be helpful in building speeches that seek to motivate and encourage your people to accomplish more.

Of special value to the speaker are stories and quotations that could easily be incorporated in most speeches. Motivational stories about the founder of Starbucks and the creator of the "Dilbert" cartoon strip are typical of the kinds of illustrations relevant to the speaker seeking new material. In addition there are several positive thinking tests that are revealing and also could be adapted to content in speeches.

Good quotations are also sprinkled throughout the book. One such quotation is from Oliver Wendell Holmes: "The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving."

I recommend The Power of Positive Thinking in Business as a book that can help you as a speaker find new and relevant material for just about any kind of speech you are preparing.

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