Say the Right Words!

We all struggle with saying the wrong thing at times. There are situations when we regret what we said or wish we had said the message in a different way. We have all apologized at some point because we made a comment that offended or embarrassed someone. Here are suggestions for avoiding "foot-in-mouth" problems.

Listen before you talk. Find out what the tone and context of the conversation is before you contribute. As the Chinese proverb states, "From listening comes wisdom and from speaking comes repentance." After you listen for a few moments, ask a question to get a better understanding of the nature of the discussion. After using these two techniques, then give your opinion or make your comment.

Avoid making a critical remark. You never know who might be connected to the person or object of your criticism and your comment might offend him or her. Besides it is simply better to avoid being negative in conversation. People don’t like to be around people who have a judgmental outlook. Save the critical remark for a private conversation with the person or persons involved, or don’t say it at all..

Pause before you respond to the person talking to you. The extra couple of seconds allows you time to think before you speak. Your word choice will be better and your contributions will be more concise. Stepping on the last line of the talker, even if what you say is relevant and useful, may not have the impact you want because the person may feel that you were intrusive.

Keep the conversation centered on the other person rather than on you. Asking questions about what the talker has said and clarifying ideas he or she has made will help insure that the speaker sees your contribution as relevant and interesting. Of course in the process you will be learning information about the talker which in the future can be useful to you in your relationship with that person. For example, learning that the talker has a background in riding and caring for horses might give you a point of reference in a future conversation.

With just a little preparation by listening, pausing, finding a positive way to make a comment, and being talker-centered, we can avoid the embarrassment of apologizing because we made an inappropriate comment.

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Slouching as you speak, moving from one foot to the other, or leaning on the lectern are not ways to engender an audience’s confidence in you and your message. You may not be aware of your bad posture, but since you are the focus of the audience’s attention, poor and uncertain posture will be obvious to your listeners.

There are many aspects of delivering a speech which you as the speaker cannot control, but proper posture is certainly one variable you can control. Begin your speech by standing on the balls of your feet with your feet 7 to 12 inches apart. This will give you balance for the rest of the body and will help you to be erect without looking robotic.

Treat the lectern as you would a hot stove. Touch gingerly but don’t lean on it as though it were a post. As you introduce a new point, take your hand off the lectern and gesture to show you are changing direction. Or when you are ready to discuss another aspect of the topic, take a step away from the lectern and toward your audience. Purposeful movement of any kind will help insure a natural and confident posture.

Avoid shifting the weight of your body as you speak. This can lead to standing on one foot or moving back and forth like a porch swing. Start out using the balls of the feet technique and occasionally take a step to show changes in the direction of your presentation.

Consider the mental image of "planting your feet" as you begin to speak. This will help stabilize your posture and keep you from "bouncing" on your feet while speaking. Planting conjures up the idea that you will stay in one place for a while.

Having your hands in front of you or at your side when you gesture and not in a pocket or clasped together will also make you have better posture and appear more poised.

With good posture you have a promising foundation for showing confidence and being in control of your speaking situation.